4 going on 14

A few months ago Ben exhibited the first signs that he was progressing far more rapidly than we had ever hoped. I was expecting a few years of tranquility somewhere in his middle childhood, but no. He has decided to go directly from toddler to teenager without passing Go, collecting $200, or beginning kindergarten. He is, of course, still well under the height requirement to get on the cool rides at Cedar Point, but the seeds of petulance have already been planted.

Ben has always been sensitive. Nearly a year ago he came home from daycare upset about something, and finally confided to my mother-in-law that someone had been mean to him. Last fall, though, when I picked him up from his current preschool, he sulked over to me looking grumpy. I asked him what happened, but he just sulked. Trying to coax out a response, he hissed "I just don't want to talk about it!" That was Sign #1.

Peer pressure has also reared its ugly head earlier than I expected. It hasn't stopped Ben from wearing a tiara and carrying a purse when his class is playing dress-up, but some criticism is apparently registering with him. Yesterday he told me that his friends said the zucchini muffins we include in his lunchbox "look disgusting." Sign #2. Granted, his friends aren't wrong; they look nice and tasty when they're fresh, but after a day they turn a bit grey, and look like they've been in the bathtub too long. He still ate them, but it's only a matter of time before others saying they look disgusting turns into Ben insisting they taste disgusting, so he won't eat them. Then the only vegetable in his diet will be ketchup. Which might satisfy the school board, but not our Whole Foods ethics.

Now he's starting to get opinions. I'm not talking about infants and toddlers having a favorite toy or preferring jumping on the bed to sleeping in it. I'm talking about a kid electing to veto a decision that has already been made. This morning, as Ben was getting dressed, he announced that he didn't like the underwear I'd laid out for him, so he went back to his drawer and chose a different pair. Never mind that I had made sure his outfit was coordinated from head to toe - even where it didn't matter - and that his selection clashed mightily with his shirt. Nope, Ben had an opinion, and he was going to act on it, by golly.

What's next? Is he going to start picking out all of his own clothes? Is he going to object to wearing the same outfit Ian has on? Because really, there's a practical purpose behind that. If we're out and one kid goes missing, we can simply point to the other and say, "He's dressed just like that, officer!" And when he's found, we can prove he's ours because they're a matching set, and what are the chances of that being coincidental? We've tested this theory, and it worked flawlessly. Pretty soon, though, they'll start wanting crap from Abercrombie.

At this rate, things should get really interesting by junior high.