Tattoos

Tattoos are getting so common, I figure it's just a matter of time before the surprise gift in a box of Cracker Jack isn't one of those lick-em-and-stick-em temporary jobs that kindergartners put on to scare their parents, but the real deal: a tiny disposable gun and ink to start that tattoo addiction early. Even sorority girls have one now, so the people who are really into tattooing need to up the ante by getting ever more eye-catching tattoos in ever more visible locations. Already used up the space available on your arms and legs? No problem - your neck is the best place to show off your most cherished design. Seems the only thing that still carries a stigma is having little blue tears at the corner of your left eye. Of course it's only a matter of time before you gotta shank someone in a prison brawl to earn some street cred.

Now the kids with full sleeves and a crappy haircut are getting older and breaking into truly frightening territory: parenthood. Not that I object to tattooed parents. But am I the only one who feels somewhat surprised to see inked moms and dads walking down the street with an unembellished child? I always feel a bit thrown off - as if I expect tattoos to become part of one's genetic code, passed on to offspring just like eye color and fear of math.

"Oh look, little Tommy has his daddy's barbed wire armband. How adorable!"

"Was that a butterfly I saw peeking above Jessica's diaper?"

Naturally there might be some unfortunate instances of tattoos combining and mutating. Picture a pink heart-and-crossbones or Winnie the Pooh pissing on a Ford logo.

Call it unreasonable, call it insane, but this is one more reason I remain ink-free. Maybe I'll consider it after I have that vasectomy.